(WWJD) When Would Jesus Divorce?

[This is a rewrite of my manuscript from a sermon I preached at EBBC on 5-18-25]

When would Jesus divorce? (WWJD) That's an awkward question. It’s like asking, “When would Jesus call the cops on someone?”

Of course, like the original “What would Jesus do?," this is a hypothetical question. Jesus never married. Yet it is a helpful question because if a believer sues for divorce, they should have confidence in their conscience that Jesus would also get a divorce if He were in a similar situation. Shouldn’t we seek that kind of assurance in all of our decisions?

Jesus was asked His view on divorce. The Pharisees attempted to entrap him by posing the question, “Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife?” (Mark 10:1-12; Matthew 19:1-12) This interrogation set at least two traps for Jesus: a political one and a theological one.

"...if a believer sues for divorce, they should have confidence in their conscience that Jesus would also get a divorce if He were in a similar situation."

The political trap was the setting. This was the same region where John the Baptist had publicly criticized Herod Antipas’ unlawful marriage to Herodias, who was the wife of his brother Philip. Herodias deeply resented John the Baptist’s condemnation of her divorce and remarriage. It ended with John being beheaded at Machaerus, a fortified palace near the Dead Sea. The Pharisees could only hope that if Jesus came down too conservative on the topic of divorce and remarriage, he might have a similar fate.

Additionally, the theological trap was an argument between two schools of thought: conservative and liberal.

The debate was over Deuteronomy 24:1-4, where an Old Covenant provision for divorce was given. The debate centered upon the concession for giving a certificate of divorce if a husband “found some indecency in her.” Everything pivoted on what exactly “indecency” meant.

The conservative school of Shammai said, “A man may not divorce his wife unless he has found unchastity in her.” The school of Shammai was narrow in its understanding of “causes” for divorce. Just one: sexual infidelity.

The school of Hillel was liberal in their interpretation of “indecency.”

The School of Hillel says: He may divorce her even if she spoiled a dish for him. R. Akiba says, “And it shall be if she finds no favor in his eyes.” (Mishna) You can hear the Hillel view in Matthew’s account of the question: “Is it lawful to divorce one’s wife for any cause?” Hillel was the first-century originator of no-fault divorce. According to Hillel, you could divorce your wife for burning dinner, spinning around so that other men saw her ankles, letting her hair down (literally), speaking to a man, making a negative comment about the husband’s mom, or finding someone else the husband preferred. And according to Hillel, the husband was obligated to divorce his wife if she was infertile.

What a trap! If Jesus is too narrow in his answer, he could potentially be arrested, or maybe even executed. If Jesus were too liberal, the Pharisees would immediately become students of Shammai, having another example of Jesus speaking contrary to the Law of God.

So, when would Jesus divorce? (WWJD?)

Below are nine brief considerations to help us answer that question.

Jesus doesn’t begin with God’s concession, but rather with God’s intention. Marriage is to be permanent.

Jesus is an expert at tripping traps set for Him. It’s an amazing thing to read in the Gospels! His typical mode of operation is to rebut with a paralyzing question. Jesus asks, “What did Moses command you?” They, of course, quote from the passage that was ground-zero of the Rabbinic debate: Deuteronomy 24:1, which is exactly what Jesus knew they would do. Brilliant. Jesus replies by ignoring the concession for divorce given in Deuteronomy and goes four books back in the Pentateuch to God’s original intention in marriage in Genesis.

“But from the beginning of creation, ‘God made them male and female.’ ‘Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.’ So the two are no longer two but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate.” 

We may not be hearing Jesus if, when we approach the topic of divorce and remarriage, all we are curious about is “what are my options?” We may be missing Jesus’ voice on divorce if we are ever looking to see if that pastor, teacher, counselor, or author gives more exceptions for divorce than the last guy. If the focus is not on the intention of marriage but on the concessions for divorce, it’s like learning to fly and only practicing crash landings. Or it’s like preparing for war by only practicing retreats.

Marriage is intended to be permanent, and God hates divorce. (Malachi 2:16) Marriage, as established by God, is a lifelong covenant (commitment) made solemnly under God and publicly before the community.

When would Jesus divorce? (WWJD?) Not until He had been saturated with God’s original intention for marriage: one man with one woman for one lifetime.

"If the focus is not on the intention of marriage but on the concessions for divorce, it’s like learning to fly and only practicing crash landings. Or it’s like preparing for war by only practicing retreats."

Divorce happens because of the hardness of one or both hearts.  

Jesus puts his finger on the root of all divorce: hardness of heart. “Because of your hardness of heart, he wrote you this commandment.” The word is Sklerokardia. We hear the word “sclerosis” and perhaps think of the hardening of the arteries. Arteriosclerosis is when the arteries become hardened and lose their elasticity. Hardening of the heart, in the context of marriage, means that at one time your heart towards your spouse was soft, warm, affectionate, intimate, and romantic. But no more.

As the eternal Son of God, Jesus authoritatively says that marriages end up in divorce because of the hardness of hearts. Every. Single. Time. Hardness of hearts is at the root of all failed marriages. Every. Single. Time.

It reminds me of growing up in SC and MS as a kid, before the “no shoes, no shirt, no service” ruling. My brother and I would go barefoot for most of the summer. Throughout traversing gravel, pine branches, thorns, and a little bit of glass, our feet became so calloused we couldn’t feel the heat-hurt from the asphalt parking lots at K-mart or Bi-Lo. It was like magic? Or was it? Our feet had become calloused over those three months.

It’s what happens in marriages. Conflict that isn’t resolved Biblically, but instead, is swept under the proverbial rug, thickens the linings of the heart to the point where it no longer feels.

"Hardness of hearts is at the root of all failed marriages."

Do you want to save your marriage from divorce? It’s not about tracking your spouse on Life360. It’s not really about tracing their phone calls. It’s not even about changing them to be a better spouse through control or manipulation. It is about checking your heart. It’s about avoiding sclerosis of the heart. Is your marriage suffering from ossification of the heart? Does your heart need a complete defrost towards your husband or wife?

The hardest hearts were soft at one point. I love pre-marriage counseling. A couple sits on the other side of my desk, completely in love. Romantic sparks are popping, and they have a hard time keeping their hands off one another, as it should be. But, I grieve those moments when I’ve seen the same couple five, seven, or ten years later, completely hardened to one another. No romance. No affection. No warmth. Only angst and indifference. Then one of them says what the non-verbals have already shouted, “I don’t love him anymore.” Or, “I have no feelings for her at all.” Make no mistake, they are telling the truth! What happened?

Hurt on top of hurt built up.

Disappointment increased.

Bitterness accumulated.

Loss of hope in anything ever changing settled in.

The result: hardened, frozen, calloused hearts that lead to divorce.

According to Jesus, hardness of heart is at the root of all failed marriages.  

While divorce is the result of sin, divorce is not always sinful.  

In a sinless world, there was no need for laws. (I Timothy 1:9). In sinless marriages, there was no need for divorce. Before the world was plunged into sin, there were no hardened hearts. And while God’s intention was a lifelong covenant of marriage between one man and one woman, due to the sinfulness of human hearts, He made a concession for divorce in certain circumstances. The Lord divorced Israel, saying, “…I had sent her away with a decree of divorce.” (Jeremiah 3:9)

Why did God make this concession? He knew that in certain circumstances, staying in the marriage would be unbearable and counterproductive. Sometimes, God’s grace would be to regulate divorce to mitigate oppression and care for those who have been sinned against. Taking the position that divorce is never valid is to reject the situations in which divorce is Biblically permissible, and can eventually harm the innocent. For instance, the Mosaic law made provision for divorce for a wife whose husband refused to fulfill his responsibilities to her, rather than leaving her destitute. (Exodus 21:11) The certificate of divorce was actually a gift of God’s grace for the woman in the case of Deuteronomy 24:1-4, so that she could prove she was not married and be able to be remarried. I was recently teaching in our Truth Trackers’ Wednesday night ministry. I asked the children what some sins are. They began to name the typical sins of elementary students: punching, lying, disobeying, stealing, etc. Then one girl yelled out, “divorce.” To which I replied, “Yes, sometimes. But, not always.”

When would Jesus divorce? (WWJD?)

Divorce is permitted, but not required, due to sexual immorality. 

Sexual infidelity in marriage is like placing sticks of dynamite around the foundation of your home and lighting them for a fun firework show for the family. Similarly, those 15 minutes of thrill between the sheets will be massively destructive to your marriage. You may lose everything. For when trust is lost in a marriage, there is little left. That is why the Lord gives this concession (not a requirement) to seek a divorce for the innocent party because of infidelity.

“But I say to you that everyone who divorces his wife, except on the ground of sexual immorality, makes her commit adultery…” (Matthew 5:32a)

“And I say to you: whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality and marries another, commits adultery.” (Matthew 19:10)

The word for sexual immorality is porneia. It is a broad word. In the context, it means adultery, but it could also include sex that isn’t technically intercourse, homosexuality, unrepentant pornography, or other habitual sexual sins.

In such cases, divorce is an option provided by God’s grace given to the offended spouse. I’ve known couples where the offender repented, forgiveness was granted by the offended, they remained married, and are thriving today. I’ve known other couples where the offender repented, forgiveness was granted by the offended, they remained married, and are suffering today. The offended spouse should have probably sued for divorce. They can’t move past it, and the marriage is an earthly form of purgatory. Still others, the offender repented, forgiveness was granted by the offended, they divorced, and they are doing well. Some Christians believe that true repentance for infidelity and true forgiveness mean that you must stay in the marriage. In my view, this is not consistent with this concession. It’s either God’s available grace or it’s not. As believers, we are compelled to forgive our brother or sister if they repent for infidelity, but we are not compelled to stay married to them.

When would Jesus divorce? (WWJD?) When there is sexual infidelity.

Divorce is permitted, but not required, due to abandonment. 

History doesn’t record anyone in Judaism in the first century who didn’t believe that there were some grounds for divorce. The debate surrounded what and how many grounds. From the Biblical record, we only know of Jesus speaking to Jewish audiences about the topic of divorce and remarriage. As the gospel spread to the Gentiles, different scenarios arose. For instance, Paul dealt with the case of a believer who is married to an unbeliever. He says in I Corinthians 7:12, “To the rest I say (I, not the Lord)…”. Paul is not saying that his words are any less inspired than the instruction of Jesus. He is simply saying that Jesus didn’t speak specifically about this exact situation. Paul's instruction, similar to Jesus’, is to remain in the marriage if the unbelieving spouse desires to stay married. However, if the unbelieving spouse doesn’t want to remain married to the believing spouse and abandons or deserts the believing spouse, the believing spouse “is not bound.” They are free to divorce and to remarry. When would Jesus divorce? When there is abandonment by his unbelieving spouse.

These two concessions, adultery and abandonment, have been the historic Protestant view: that adultery and desertion were the only two legitimate grounds for divorce given in Scripture. 

Other “such cases” of divorce should be considered with humility and godly counsel.  

Are there any other legitimate cases, besides sexual infidelity or abandonment, in which the marriage covenant is so violated that divorce could be a grace offered to the offended spouse? What about abuse? What about life-dominating addiction? This question should be approached with humility coupled with wise counsel. While we are no Apostle Paul by a long shot, and while we are not under the inspiration of the Spirit, he did address a situation that Jesus had not addressed in I Cor. 7:12. “To the rest I say (I, not the Lord)…”

Later he says, “But if the unbelieving partner separates, let it be so. In such cases the brother or sister is not enslaved. God has called you to peace.” (I Corinthians 7:15)

In 2019, Dr. Wayne Grudem wrote an article about the phrase “in such cases” in verse 15. The phrase “en tois toioutois” (translated, “in such cases”) is not used anywhere else in the New Testament or the Greek translation of the Old Testament. Grudem points out that when you look at the phrase in extra-biblical literature, it consistently means “more kinds of situations and circumstances that are similar.” According to Grudem, “in such cases” when used by the Apostle Paul implies that divorce is a legitimate possibility not only in cases of abandonment but also in other circumstances that are similar but not exactly like desertion.

I find Grudem’s argument compelling. Grudem imagines other similar circumstances where the marriage is destroyed as much as adultery or abandonment. His examples include spousal abuse, abuse of the children, extreme, prolonged, verbal and relational cruelty, credible threats of serious physical harm or murder, and incorrigible addictions like gambling, alcohol, or pornography. These situations should be handled with care, patience, prayer, and Biblical wisdom.

I appreciate the Westminster Confession of Faith’s admonition that it is unwise for marital partners to be ‘left to their own wills, and discretion’ when considering a divorce. When considering other “such cases,” the spiritual leaders should be involved to protect, counsel, and guide.

According to Grudem, “in such cases” when used by the Apostle Paul implies that divorce is a legitimate possibility not only in cases of abandonment but also in other circumstances that are similar but not exactly like desertion.

When would Jesus divorce? (WWJD?) When there are “such cases” that are similar to abandonment by an unbelieving spouse.

Remarriage after an unbiblical divorce is adultery.  

Jesus was crystal clear. If you unbiblically divorce and remarry, the act of remarriage is the sin of adultery. “Whoever divorces his wife and marries another commits adultery against her, and if she divorces her husband and marries another, she commits adultery.” (Mark 10:11 b-12) To remarry following an unbiblical divorce is to break the seventh commandment: “You shall not commit adultery.” The rule is this. If the divorce is Biblical, remarriage is allowed. If the divorce is unbiblical, it is adultery to remarry.

When would Jesus divorce? (WWJD?) He would never divorce on unbiblical grounds.

A believer who seeks an unbiblical divorce should be confronted by the church elders and community and perhaps be under church discipline.

I have some pastoral friends who say, “that ship has sailed,” referring to divorce and remarriage in the church. Their approach is “I don’t ask about divorce and remarriage unless they ask. I believe that is their private business.” There are few things more public to the church and the broader community than for a marriage to fail and end in divorce. And Jesus said that divorce should never be considered a “societal evolution” that we begin to be indifferent to. “What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate.” If your spouse is pursuing an unbiblical divorce against you, and your church leaders are refusing to care and confront, they are committing pastoral malpractice.

After counsel and prayer, if a believer continues to pursue what the church leaders believe is an unbiblical divorce, it sadly should eventually move towards church discipline. (Matthew 18:17) This should not be rushed, but rather lots of questions and lots of counsel should be given before the church pursues formal church discipline. The elders of the church should care for and plead with the couple to repent and work towards reconciliation. However, the leaders would need to “tell the church” (Matthew 18:17) in most cases at the moment when divorce papers are filed because one or both of the spouses have made their intended divorce public or official.

There are few things more public to the church and the broader community than for a marriage to fail and end in divorce.

Those who have had an unbiblical divorce and remarried should remain as they are, repent, and seek reconciliation as much as possible. 

Again, the Apostle Paul was writing to new Gentile believers who found themselves in situations in which they had unbiblical divorces (perhaps multiple) in their past, and they weren’t sure what to do. Paul admonishes them that if they have divorced unbiblically, they should stay single and try to reconcile with their spouse. But, what if it is too late? What if one or both of the spouses have now remarried after the unbiblical divorce? Should they break up the new marriage and try to reconcile the previous one? Paul’s answer is no. “Each man must remain in the condition in which he was called.” (I Corinthians 7:20)

The believer, in such situations, should repent, if they haven’t already, of their unbiblical divorce and adulterous remarriage, and seek reconciliation and amends with as many people who have been impacted as possible. (Children, previous spouse, new spouse, etc.) There are so many trophies of God’s grace in the church, and that includes unbiblical divorcees, who are now seeking the Lord to bless and shape their new marriage for His glory and praise. ( I Cor. 6:11)

Addressing two groups of people: 

To the married: Guard your hearts. Guard your marriage. Are your hearts becoming hardened towards one another? Is there indifference and even contempt towards one another where there used to be affection and intimacy? You are in the danger zone. You may cross the point of no return. All the alarms should be going off if your heart is calloused towards your husband or wife. Seek the Lord. Seek help from godly counselors. A hardened heart is the root of all failed marriages. Beware.

To the divorced, single, and regretful. To those of you who were sinned against and you received God’s grace through divorce, you should not hang your head in shame and guilt. God is with you, and your church should be too. For those who regret their sinful divorces and remarriages, if you have repented and sought the Lord’s forgiveness, you have received it. (I John 1:9) The Lord has received you, and your church should too. There should be no “scarlet ‘D’s” on the chests of any believers. We are all covered in the scarlet blood of Jesus!

“What sins are you talking about? I don’t remember them anymore!” -Jesus